A Female Submissive Goes Pro-Domme: A Tale of Feminism and Self-Agency

A Female Submissive Goes Pro-Domme: A Tale of Feminism and Self-AgencyI don’t know about you but I’ve never been able to keep my masochistic, submissive hunger at bay for very long. The safety and comfort of bondage, the delight of letting go as another takes over, the bite of the crop or cane or paddle that somehow strips the anxiety away, the delicious, tuned-out haze of subspace. I love it all. It sets me right and replenishes me.
For me, that means my pleasure (and sometimes my sanity) lay outside of my control. To get my needs met, to get my fix, to sate my hunger, to quiet the voices, I need to rely entirely on the skill and trustworthiness of another. Complicating matters further was inevitably sub frenzy that made good decision making nearly impossible. When my inner masochist begins to scream, “FEED ME!” my brain turns fuzzy, common sense evaporates, and all sorts of bad ideas start to become increasingly reasonable in my mind.
As a strong and independent woman, I hated the feelings that came from this frenzy. I hated feeling helpless. I hated feeling out of control. I hated being desperate and shameless. I hated being entirely dependent on another person. I felt like I compromised myself by playing with partners that weren’t great choices beyond a one hour scene.
I am not blaming my partners for my feelings. Most have been really amazing people and all scenes were negotiated honestly. No one made me do anything I didn't want to do. The problem was that I was never really negotiating from a a position of strengthen. I wasn’t ever really choosing what was best for me but rather finding an expedient and workable fix to a pressing problem.
Therefore, during my last kink dry spell, I vowed to do things differently!
I refused to be passive.
I refused to compromise my needs.
I refused to compromise my standards.
I hired a pro-Domme: @MissSimoneBWhile I am sounding all fierce and feisty in the here and now, the truth is that it took forever to get the courage to reach out to a professional.
The biggest hurdle: shame

• If I was a good and worthy submissive, why wasn't the D/s in my relationship working? Was something wrong with us, with me?
  
• Would this be cheating on my Daddy?
  
• Is a pro-Domme session even really submission? Would it scratch the itch?
  
• Isn’t it a little pathetic to NEED to hire a professional? If I were a good submissive, why couldn't I find play partners on my own?
  

The list of self-shaming feels was considerable.
Turns out that having agency and control over your own body is an absolutely glorious feeling and it doesn’t make you any less of a submissive. It is the ultimate act of self-love! Taking care of myself in the way I needed made me a happier person and therefore a better partner, parent, and friend.
Furthermore, engaging the services of a pro-Domme gave me a sense of power and agency over my own body that I had been missing for most of my years as a submissive. It gave me the power to be fed and satisfied when and how I wanted it. ON MY TERMS! I was freed from having to compromise my standards or self in any way.
The Joys of working with a Pro-Domme (and more specifically, @MissSimoneB)

• It is wonderfully delightful, delicious and decadent to ask for and receive exactly what you want. You do not have to hope that your top's or dominant's desires match yours for the evening.
  
• Be gone consent violations! With a pro-Domme, you can relax entirely after you negotiate the scene because you know that they will respect all boundaries. She will not awkwardly grope you or rub her hard penis against you.
  
• Dommes are professionals. If she is good at her job, she’ll curate the experience to fit your specific needs perfectly. Whether you want to plan the scene out in detail or defer entirely to the Domme’s choices, it will happen just as you want. I’ve seen @MissSimoneB three times and each time the experience was different but exactly in the way I needed.
  
• No judgment. It was my show. I could ask for what I wanted. I didn’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else. I asked for needles. I got needles. I got the exact right amount of needles.
  
• If you are new to the scene, it is the absolutely safest way to learn about your personal preferences. You can focus on feeding your inner hunger without having to also navigate the sometimes treacherous and unsavory waters of the BDSM "dating" world.
  

If you are between partners, you can get your fix and feed the hunger without resorting to uncomfortable connections that you would never consider in your non-kink dating life.

• If you are with a loving partner but vanilla realities (health issues, work stress, family stress, money stress, stressity stress) have put kink on the back burner, you still have the power to take care of yourself in a healthy way that respects the primacy of your relationship and greatly reduces jealousy issues.
  
• Lastly, maybe your kink just isn't your partner's cup of tea. I love, love, love needles but they are not my Daddy's thing. Having a way to get my needs met that doesn't disrupt my relationship feels really powerful and good.
  

The Limits
It is helpful if you think of a Pro-Domme as someone similar to your masseuse, hair stylist and/or manicurist. Mine make me feel amazing, I appreciate them greatly and I love chatting with them but I know what the relationship is about. They provide a service and I pay them. Then we go separate ways until the next time.
A pro-Domme isn’t:

• Your Dominant. At most, she is your temporary top. Don’t make it more than it is. It will just be awkward for everyone.
  
• A love relationship. Egad! Boundaries people!!! What on earth do you think you are giving to the Domme that will make her want to take you home with her? She’s got a life.
  
• A therapist. She will not fix you or your relationship or anything else. Like an hour massage, you’ll feel amazing until reality hits. My advice, avoid subways and small children to keep the glow flowing.
  
• A sexual partner. Your hair stylist does not fuck you after putting foils in your hair or touching up your roots. It’s enough that s/he has the superpower to make you feel beautiful again! You want an orgasm too? Shish!!!
  
• A mind reader. You wouldn’t expect your manicurist to magically know you want fire engine red nails today would you? For this experience to be the best it can be for you, be ready to clearly ask for what you want.
  

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